just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
