at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
These tits shall not be calmed
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
