he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
