she looked like the before picture.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
