I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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