just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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