6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
