return my video game
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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