I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
