my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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