His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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