gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
