dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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