I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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