Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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