Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My breasts were aching with rage.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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