I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm both gender and math confused
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
