I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
