the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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