The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
