yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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