Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
