He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm having to shit out rocks
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