So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
