I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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