i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
