Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
