NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
