You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
