That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
