I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
