I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
