You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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