You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
