my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
