i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
