if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
