if only i could text you this smell
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
