I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
