Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
