I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
