So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
