I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
