Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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