Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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