i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
