what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
