I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
