While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
