how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
