so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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