girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
