Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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