Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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